I met with my therapist for our last appointment today. I was thinking about it all week, and honestly, was more sad than I thought I’d be. It really marks the end of this 2 year grad school journey… I can not believe it.
We did some good work, her and I. She was my first therapist, but probably not my last. It was a great experience, and I’d highly recommend anyone else seeing a therapist if they feel it could be helpful. Having that non-judgmental listener and someone to give you a clear viewpoint of your situation is so helpful. I laughed and cried with her… but most of all, I grew. I learned about myself. I trusted my intuition more because of it. I talked about my family and friends, my school experiences, my internship experiences, and any relationships I was in. Sometimes it was clear what I’d be talking about that day, sometimes it wasn’t, and I’d just let it come out freely. Sometimes I’d bring my art, sometimes I wouldn’t.
Today was mostly smiles. I got to tell her about my upcoming move, my new job, and how everything that is happening just feels “right.” We talked about my best friend and how amazing she is and how I learn so much from her (to which she said, “she learns from you too, you know). We talked about how I am needed… by family, by friends, and by my clients. “My light” is needed.
I made some art last night… I was craving it. I needed to do something around the topic of this transitional time. So I brought it in.
I talked about all its different parts. The piece of light brown leather that looks like a mountain. I have a new job starting in August that is going to be amazing. But a HUGE challenge and transition from what I’m doing now. It is going to be a mountain to climb, that’s for sure.
I talked about the map piece.. showing the state I am in and the state I am going. When I see these states, I see “home.” Journey. Growth. Risk. Comfort.
I talked about the sparkly rhinestones. My grandma’s. I talked about the impact she’s had on my learning, and in a more general way, my entire support system of family and friends. Helping me climb this mountain… Remembering to ask for help. To use them.
I talked about the white and pink paper that looks like a maze. The paper has a gold square on it, and on top of this square, I’ve placed a key. I talked about how life is a maze… finding which paths to take is part of life. Solving problems, finding answers. The key to me represents me finally understanding that I hold the key to my own happiness. I am in charge of my life.
I have a worn silver coin for good luck.
I have a red leaf in the shape of a tear drop. I am turning over a new leaf in my life… and through this comes tears. Sad, anxious, excitement. All sorts of emotions.
I have buttons. Creativity, Fastening myself for this crazy ride I am starting.
I have paint scraps… bright colors. I talked about how these remind me of my research, scraping away the paint in order to learn about myself. Through art. Finding the beauty in everything, even the scraps.
And lastly, I have a butterfly cut out. Transformation. Ready for flight. Ready to change the world.
And behind it all, what all of these pieces sit on, is a framed picture of my ex-boyfriend and I. I thought the frame was so cool all of these years, so I kept it, even though it had our picture on it. So I sanded our picture off, but kept the frame thinking I’d cover it up. I love that it is back there. While it doesn’t bring the happiest memories, I realize it helped me get to where I am today, and for that I am thankful.
So talking to her today helped me realize that I want to say thank you to him when I see him again. I am nervous to see him, but I want it to happen. At first I was talking about how I will just see how he reacts and base my actions on his… but this is typical me, letting him have all the power. I think this time, I want to say something.
It feels right to thank him. To really show him that he and our relationship was very important to me, and to who I am today. Although it didn’t end in the best circumstances, without the actions of July 5th, 2010, I don’t think I’d have gone on to graduate school, or have had the most amazing opportunity to meet the girls that I have, to see the healing benefits of art therapy, and to change career paths. I’ve come so far these last three years, and I have a whole lifetime ahead of me. So, to him, thank you. thank you for letting me go. for setting me free. It really did change my life.
We talked about upcoming experiences where I might run